palicedotorg

When you live parallel lives

It’s almost like

You’re in a parallel universe

You continue on

Creating

With guides, prophets and

Prophecies

The biblical scriptures

Written through the air

In Aramaic

Across the leaves

Like lines drawn across

your palm

Intricate detail of forgotten

Wisdom

Effervescent rainbow luminous

Energy

Travels through the astral

Eclipse

Singing with echoes

of corridors

Sitting with the Gods

Contemplating the next

Weather phenomenon

With rare interchangeable

Indomitable nature

Transfixed with a greater

Purpose

Transcending lateral time

A poetic flow of wisdom

This parallel life carries

The fire

So I look to the waters

of equilibrium

The deep, rich earth

nourishing the plants

and trees

Without the sacred double

air sign

I’d be lost in the blackness

of space

When you learn of AI

And foresee what’s coming

Are you preparing for

cataclysmic change?

Of course the mega tsunami

clasping ancient rage

is long gone in a poetic

history

Find your calm waters

Your peaceful island under

your palm tree

With yogic tranquility

And summon the grains

of sand

Poseidon watches over holding his

Trident

We will always need

Aphrodite but don’t forget

Hermione in this fight

Finding Orestes and

birthing Tisamenus

For the procreation is

causing us strife

Once our purpose for

survival

Now our Armageddon

of undoing

Thirty years from now

there’s a power in the

wrathful sun

Too much heat, displacement,

death and damage

Warrior spirit

I look to the Saints

Show the sinners no eyes

From all their ashes

The phoenix always flies

Listening to your songs

The glowing flowing waterfall

of your glistening words

Your poetic trance

Sending my love into the florescent

future

Of this distant transcendent time

Do you believe in linear time?

Or can you sense that

lateral flow of wisdom

Peacefully

Splitting the milliseconds

Travelling faster than the

light years

I know you go there

Suspended in space

I can find your hands

On your gifted guitar strings

Writing your loving lyrics

For your endless favourite fans

The significance of Sting

How he moves through the

rhythm

Always focusing on the win

Distillate me

Infiltrate me

Contemplate me

Serenade me

Reparate me

The way you write

Dreamer’s time

Illusive space

Not giving anything away

I can see your face

Sumner’s Tale

Holy Grail

Immaculate proof

Madonna’s youth

I see the past wearing

Fuchsia pink

Translucent spectacles

A vivid image

Distorted glances

Becoming advances

Progressive nature

You led me

To this distant time

Travelling thoughts

Silent words

I chose to run through

your instrumental pen

I do embrace the mirror’s gift

More fear the eyes of

another

And wonder

What they think?

I ponder, recreate the truth

For discomfort or for pain

Repentance – this sin is over

Freedom, I will discover

Sacred Love

I can find another

So to now

Here we are

2023

Instilling

And true to be

Whispering wisdom

and angel kisses

Through their dreams

I’m fixing that wounded

Palace

Without hate or proponent

Malice

Giving it my all

And everything I’ve got

to create

This mystical musical

melody

Through the windows

of luminous

Rare phenomena

Galactical travel

Universal equilibrium

Every grain of sand

Held in palm fortune

To save humanity

From dying

Leo, Greta, Sting

All of us working and trying

To save our future

In the wingspan of

the eagles

Galloping across the

Arabian desert

With you on my back

Not like a tombstone

More the wings of an

angel

The pixies and the fairies

Mercury’s speed

Jupiter’s strength

Pluto’s distance but the

prophetic sentences

You let me grace

Finding you in any life

Any place

Through the lines on

your palms

Through the healing

of the rainbow and rain

The killer whale’s eye

Takes me back

To the myth

of riding them across

the ocean

Back to land

I’m gonna stand

On the giraffe’s back

Touching the plants

Sacred geometry of chance

Giving you that spiritual

glance

Oceanic forest’s

wonder

Tripping, channelling

psilocybin

We don’t need to

physically take it

to infiltrate it

Titrate it

Exhilate it

Wait for it

Escape it

Meditate it

Inseminate it

Through the South American

land

of tribal warriors

With your eldest Joe

carrying blue butterflies

Theology

Astronomy

Psychology

Philosophy

Astrologically

Dancing through the sound

In my capillaries

like tributaries

Along radical rivers

To the aorta

The oracle’s ocean

of my peaceful heart

Don’t stand so close to me

Speed, I’ll let you all fly free

The never-ending amount

of pills I’ve taken

Foresaken

From the age of seventeen

In adolescence

Florescence

In colour

First it was Olanzapine

That took away my ability

to think

It was pink

Toxic for my brain

And due to being vain

I lost my body

Oddly

I couldn’t concentrate on

my A levels

Or use my mind

Trying hard to find

My thoughts

Scattered organisation became

a mess

From mathematical precision

I confess

I am a neat freak

I find it pleasing to the

eye

But why oh why

are these deadly drugs prescribed

Inside, I truly felt like

I had died

So I left school

Felt like a total fool

So damaged I wanted to

drown

I had totally left my

crown

But kept going

The fight was on

Even though my spirit

had gone

Always titrated off them

too fast

How long was this mayhem

going to last?

I travelled by motorbike

to my appointments with

Dr Shur

But to be honest now

My memory was a

total blur

I couldn’t remember my

dance routines

The lines in films in different

scenes

What was I to do?

At that point I couldn’t

sue

So the revolving door patient

arose

There she goes

Admission after admission

With careful precision

The next pill was

Risperdone

Most of us think it should

be banned

But I had a plan

I’ll take my own life

Because all these pills

Were causing me too much

Strife

I’ll never be anyone’s wife

I threw a knife

At wood

In the garden

I beg your pardon

Travelling through past lives

Transcending time

I was fine

But the world had gone

mad

I screamed at my Dad

Took it out on those around me

Who I loved the most

My parents, any host

With every ghost

Who had a story

Their pain and glory

I knew I could handle it

This journey matters

So I focused on the

mad hatters

I learnt the system

Won every tribunal

and got off my sections

But boy was I bleeding

Needing

To understand why

This had happened to so

many

Watching them count

every penny

try Abilify

It doesn’t affect your

weight Palice

That state

Which I truly hate

I like to be lithe and

lean

Fit, body supreme

I need it for my work

The doctor was a total

jerk

‘What if you get ill Alice?’

She said with control

and malice

‘What would you prefer?’

I said

Try me on Abilify

Or I promise you

I’ll take my life

And die

So the choice was hers

That’s when I stare

And showed her my

truthful glare

‘Ok, ok, we’ll try you on

Abilify’

But then

I couldn’t cry

I lost weight

But was still a stone

heavier

Than my natural, leaner

state

I liked Abilify

And stayed on it for

many years

Reducing it from 10mg

to 5mg

When I was doing my

Access course to Medicine

I asked my boyfriend at

the time if there was a

difference in me,

did he notice?

For I needed to focus

and get that 100%

Distinction in every

subject

And an Unconditional

Offer to Kings College London

Pharmacology

With the intention to

learn every drug in the

book

For what they mistook

I played hockey

Scoring goals

The degree was doing

my head in

I was losing my within

With my story burning

There was such a

desperate yearning

To shout out all their

mistakes

Had we not learnt

anything through the millennia

from the East?

Or was there too much

arrogance in the West

That they had failed to

listen

What about chakras

Meridians, the electro

magnetic field?

This was all about money

and yield

I felt sick to my core

Sure, I understood it

pretty quick

These drugs are a

Trillion dollar industry

A money making machine

So moving on

I worked

Met different bands

Steel eyed focus

On the A game

Learning the craft

For my path

It wasn’t until 2016

That I really fell to my

feet with exhaustion

On Lamotrigine

Which didn’t work at all

A mood stabiliser but not

for me

I was all over the place

in mood

Had lost my stability

Oh the fragility of a

delicate soul

The drugs had really

taken their toll

2017 was the biggest

breakdown I’d even seen

in me

A long admission

Racking up their

commission

I sang my songs

I filmed

I wrote

Did a day of silence

Because I had witnessed

Violence

Being pinned down

And injected

After they couldn’t find

my pulse

I knew I was out of

my body

I wasn’t catatonic this

time

But it wasn’t funny

They prescribed me

Procyclidine

It was truly mean

What it did to my body

My prolactin levels

Went so high

The numbers went out

the window and through

the sky

My GP took note

Not the Psychiatrist

I quote

Do they even care?

What a fucking nightmare

My private psychiatrist

Eventually I went to

see Dr Hindler

He prescribed the Lurasidone

Medications have two

names

Its other name is Latuda

But oh dear

My weight was going

through the roof

I put on four stone

So of course what do I do

I moan

About my state

I told them that’s what I

hate

I’ll take my life, I swear

I’ll take it

And they knew I would

I saw a hormone specialist

who said

Try Metformin with Latuda

off label

Usually prescribed for diabetes

It will help with your

food cravings and appetite

All my clothes I was out

growing

They were too tight

Do you know what it feels

like to be an athlete

or a dancer?

And that’s what these

drugs do

They take away your

ability to move

To flow

To concentrate

To run fast

Indian dribble across

the pitch

I’d only ever played 1st

teams in hockey

For Oxfordshire and

Wiltshire

South of England development

squad

But when I returned

to hockey after 20 years

I’d lost my game

No fame

I couldn’t do what I

used to do

And I can’t tell you

how much it hurts

To lose your play

Why should I stay?

Because thanks to my

boyfriend Tom

My lovely Bear

He used his brilliant

brain and did all

the research into

Withdrawal

From antipsychotics

It takes years but that’s

the journey I’m on

So I haven’t totally gone

mad

Yes there are wobbles

and mania

But I need to ask you

to stick with me

As that’s what these

drugs do

It’s not symptoms of the

illness

It looks like that but

what it actually is, is

what the medication is

doing to my brain

The meds restructure your

brain

Not enough is known

But the research is being

done

I haven’t won

Yet

Perseverance is key

So please stick with me

Or go your own way

I don’t know if I’ll ever

be drug free

True to be

I’ll just write a song

because this journey is so long

It’s the extreme emotions

I was and still am

Addicted to

The euphoria when you

Win

And your chips are high

The depths of despair

When you lose

And your chips

Disappear

I still gamble

Black Jack

I’ve always loved cards

The skill

The pace

I did have a pathological

gambling addiction

But that was due to the

medication Abilify

and its lie

It was meant to help me

Not affecting my weight as

much as the others

But it caused mayhem

As well as pathological gambling

Promiscuity and compulsive

Overspending

I was £28K in debt

I needed help

Big time

But now I’m not on Abilify

I went back to Casino Empire

With my discipline

On Latuda now

Which causes weight gain

But apart from that

It’s a good medication

So I gamble

Responsibly, carefully

I don’t chase my money

And with skill and luck

I win

Without pain

There’s no gain

With loss

Take the toss

I watch the guys play

with their chips

On roulette, we have a

Strategy

28 Black, 8 and 18

But cards and numbers

aren’t that simple

There’s a complexity to them

But if you’ve read my

Blog

You’ll know about my 100%

Maths exam

When I did an Access

Course to Medicine

There’s a rhythm to the

cards

Sometimes I just go to

casinos to watch, not to

play

They’re fascinating and

also tragic dens

But through the lens

You can see their stories

Why they’re there

All for a different reason

I have been to GA

Gambler’s Anonymous

Back in the day

When I joined SENSE

And self excluded

There’s something about

The wiring of their brains

that I empathise with

It also intrigues me

A different energy to the

NA rooms

So,,,,

You can lose your job

Your home

Your wife

Your life

The stories I’ve heard

I’ll never forget

I carry them with me

So I’ll never be in debt

The energy of the spirits around me

I can sense you

Through the sound of your hands

Moving magnificently

Across your keys

Tinkling finger tips

These celibate moments

With my white scarf

Covering my eyes

Howling at the moon

For you

My dear Bear

As you progress

Through this last

Withdrawal

Of poisoned

Man-made tincture

Don’t forget

Why I found you

There in the garden

Reciting Shakespeare’s

Poetic Lines

Reeling them off

From your powerful memory

I found myself falling

and said

‘I can see

how someone could

fall in love with you’

Not realising

I was transcending time

Distracted by spirits

From past

And future

Whispering wisdom

And forgotten scriptures

A modern diagnosis

of ADHD

Where it takes me

Everywhere, anywhere

Always finding it hard

To keep my feet on

The ground

That trumpet

Haunts me

Alas

The pain of Sala

Reminds me of

Galloping across the desert

In my turban

And lithe

Feminine but

Masculine physique

Persia

Why do you keep

Bringing me back to that life?

Endless Arabian sand

The hidden corridors

of that Palace

I remember so well

So as I move my hands

Through the ocean

of Time

Reminiscing

My movement

And all only their

Eyes

Visible to me

Masks of metal

Intricate detail

Hand sewn

Keeping it a secret

As to who I am

So back to now

This celibacy

Has me travelling

Astrally

Through the windows

of this universe

Across another

Far off galaxy

The dawn of truth

Mirrors Mercury

Winding down the visceral

Visions

of Today

Do you remember tomorrow

like yesterday?

I see you suspended

In opal blue

Drumming in your

Twenties

Through the years

At Guildhall

Your entire life

And lives

Pass before me

Telling me your truth

The answers are always

Written in your hands

With the Gods

Aphrodite

Channelling energy

From frenetic youth

There’s proof

In your moonlit soul

Passing the plectrum

Of guitar strings

Back to your wrists

and knees

Healing

For you to tap that pedal

And shake your percussion

Instruments

Do you know how quick

a drummer’s brain is?

Doing multiple movements

all at once

Calming your nervous system

To peaceful equilibrium