The Fragility of my Soul

Tangible capillaries

Full of love

And lustful dreams

The delicate moon

Shines through

The matriarchal energy

When we bleed

Every 28 days

Staying in tune

With this tragic

Universe

We have so much

Work to do

Through my healing hands

I find our distant time

In future’s foretold

Constructing paradise

When in other dimensions

The angels are

Dancing

Across the oceans

Of skies

I hear you calling

My spirit’s name

Gently

When you are dying

When you are thirsty

When you are hungry

When you need light

When you need medicine

When you need healing

God is there

But unfortunately

There is too much evil

In this world

Too much corruption

The seven deadly sins

With seven admissions

Focus on the positive

The purity of love

With your spirit guides

Guiding you through

This life

With a library full of

Past lives

You wonder why I sacrifice

Myself

For this path

This torment of a journey

But there was serious

Work to do

Things to resolve

‘They simply weren’t sensitive to the mental arithmetic of her mind’

Truman Capote said

How do I explain that?

Never mind

I know it’s true

There’s a true beauty

To insanity

Dancing through its liberation

But

May sanity prevail

For my people need me

My loves

Sent from up above

I would do anything for

Love

It really does conquer

All

Through all the wars

All the scars

All the wounded

All the blood

All the tears

All the fears

All the loss

I question

The man

And the patriarchy

The power you crave

Which takes

The innocent

To their grave

The treacherous torture

The vicious repetitive

Rape

Then and only then

I pray for your impotence

I call upon Nemesis

To do her work

For I have Eros

Running through me

And with his tantric

Healing

His feeling

My celibacy is sacred

GA is calling me

When I am addicted

To casino Empire

The cards

The pace of their brains

That exquisite skill

Of magnificent mathematicians

The human psychology

Yet what I witness

Is desperation

Addiction

Clasping their brains

Taking their wedding rings

Off

To attempt to take me

To their hotel rooms

I would never go with you

I would never do that

To your wife

Oh Lord, the strife

Of their life

When I won that

Straight Flush

Playing Black Jack

With poker side bets

I was dealt the eight

Of diamonds

The dealer

The six of diamonds

I turned to Joe

The cute guy next

To me

Who I had just met

Held his t-shirt

And said

Seven of diamonds

And she dealt it

I cannot describe

The euphoria

The ecstatic ecstasy

The magic and the rhythm

To the fortune

And luck

Of winning that

Straight Flush

It is so rare

£2050

Can you imagine?

Yet there is a fear

To never gamble

Again

As I know the rarity

I have learnt my lesson

Never to chase

But having been

£28k in debt

When I was on Abilify

Causing

A pathological

Gambling addiction

Should I really be

Visiting

These tragic dens

I quit smoking

For three days

Then while drinking

A bottle of

Château Les Bouysses

Cahors Malbec

I messaged him

In total desperation

‘Please, please, please

Leave me alone’

So I started smoking

Again

Whatever state he was in

The message is very clear

I needed my

American Spirit

To smoke that spirit

Away

I needed to pray

With my gifts

Why was I so aware

Of him?

I think I am aware

Of the difference

Between my gifts

And my illness

But I do get confused

It has me in a flair

My truthful glare

When he never instigated

Communication

I have been intrusive

In his private life

I have been seriously

Annoying

And to a certain extent

A stalker

By at times

Messaging and emailing him

When we stalk

We need a hawk

The animal code

Nature’s codes

The Fibonacci sequence

I apologise from

The bottom of

My heart

You know I love you

I would do anything

To be your friend

Have you in my life

But I do respect you

Your wishes

Your needs

Can I live without you?

Can I live without water?

Can I live without oxygen?

Can I breathe without you?

Only time will tell

I have walked through

Hell

I saw my father going

Through hell

For Tom

In my 2018 psychosis

I would do anything

Anything

To heal Tom

I would sacrifice it all

For that man

To play his drums

The rarest musician

I have ever come across

Who went to Guildhall

Played in Ronnie Scott’s

One of the best drummer’s

Of his generation

If not the best

But then struck by

The most vicious

Disability

12 long years without

A diagnosis

I have been through his life

Through his past lives

When we were bears

That bear hug

I can see a vulture

Clasping his neck

FND

Functional Neurological Disorder

How do we order

This brain network disorder

How do we collectively

Heal Tom?

Calling on all the Gods

All the healers

All the heavens

All the rarest phenomenons

I would do anything

For him

Please help me

Heal Tom

It is not currently

The FND

It is the fact

He was poly drugged

Prescribed harm

The poison of Venlafaxine

Has truly damaged

Him

And countless others

Anti depressant withdrawal syndrome

Yet he is not a depressive

Yes he is an artist

When we met

They had put him on

Olanzapine

An anti psychotic

Which I was on

When I was 17

The first anti psychotic

I was ever prescribed

I could see what

It was doing to him

But more importantly

He didn’t need it

What the fuck are they doing?

These psychiatrists

They have illnesses themselves

I can see their truth

I can see the way they

Were taught

Reading left to right

Medical degrees

Some even becoming

Professors

But it is the way they

Think

Each one being different

They will all have

A different opinion

But read Cracked

Why Psychiatry is doing more harm than good

By James Davies

I know that is one of

The reasons I am here

I chose my path

My journey

My parents

We need to teach you

Remind you of true medicine

It is in the plants

You do not understand

The brain

So you are playing with

Fire

You have created God’s

Wrath

In me

Calling on his

Messiah

To heal this devastating

Mess

I do confess

He came through me

On one of my admissions

You would diagnose it as

Religious delusion

But how can you be so sure?

Do you have a faith?

Whatever religion

I sometimes learnt more

From the cleaners

And nurses

Than the arrogance

Of the doctors

Primum Non Nocere

First Do No Harm

Yet the harm you have

Caused

Is simply unforgivable

Too many deaths

Too much suffering

For what?

Money?

It is a trillion dollar industry

Big pharma

You have blood on your hands

With your houses

Private jets

And materialistic wealth

I would prefer to be on

The streets

Homeless

Staying true to who I am

Than create money

Out of suffering and death

Yes they do help to a certain extent

But the violation of medication

The torture of being

Pinned down by five nurses

Some of whom

I had never seen before

With force

I was totally calm before that

I was there voluntarily

You broke the law

By injecting me

With Haloperidol

And what it did to me

Twitching my head

Slurred speech

A dribbling wreck

To the point my parents

Couldn’t understand

What I was saying

‘She had a bad reaction’

You could have killed me

And my God

People have died

You cover up the numbers

But we know the truth

God is always counting

All the deaths

All the sins

The torment

The sacrament

Trust me

We need to learn from

Ancient wisdom

Mania and psychosis

Has been around

For millennia

Ask me

Ask the shamans

Ask the witch doctors

Consult the Eastern medics

Kinesiologists

Healers

Homeopaths

Tristan and Isolde

This fable is so old

I have a library full of

Past lives

One of the oldest

Souls in the book

And I am not the only one

We have come back

For a reason

For each other

But mainly to save

This God forsaken

Human race

This entire universe

And other universes

Every grain of sand

Every rock

Every plant

Every mountain

Every particle of water

Every tree

Every river

Every chief

We are trying to save you

There will be a lot of death

There will be a lot of suffering

There will be a lot of displacement

There will be extinction

But the new rarest species

Are returning

There will be proof

To what I can see

But we MUST protect them

Your fossil fuels

And oil

And plastic

Is killing us

And due to your economy

Your numbers

You are not willing to make

The changes

We so desperately need

Screaming at the

Psychopaths

In their worst nightmares

God has love

But God equally has

Wrath

In the bible

I know every word

Every chapter

On another level

Every scripture

Every deity

Because it is written in

My blood

My chalice

Palice will

Remind you

Without a falice

And no malice

Face me

Or

Fear me

It depends what you have done

For I may

Show you no eyes

I may hug you

I may attempt to

Heal you

I may make love to you

It truly depends

On your karma

And your dharma

Putin

You will be a fly at best

Netanyahu

Trump

Xi

You feel powerful

But the hell you will

Face

The torment and suffering

You have inflicted

I have no fear

But fear

God’s wrath

Because he is more

Powerful

Than the demon’s glare

The devil’s stare

The amount of sins

Are counted

The deaths especially

Of war crimes

On innocent children

Are noted

Every move

Every mannerism

Every decision

Every thought

Every deed

Is noted

And you will have

Nemesis

For the amount of time

You deserve

You will never be in my

Prayers

You will never see

Me

But you will be scared

In your nightmares

So back to the future

We need to learn from

Our past

I need to dance

My magic trance

Poet Laureate

I would accept

My dreams and goals

Are my purpose

Believe what I say

But more

Believe what I do

Believe what I write

Believe me when I’ve done it

As this piece draws

To a close

Who knew it would be

So long

But I’ve been travelling

Through my insanity

And my sanity

May sanity prevail

On this Holy Grail

I changed the Lord’s Prayer

From bread to

Holy Water

For it was needed more

What Jesus forgot

What we need to

Heal with

The Last Supper

How do you think Jesus

Survived 40 days and

40 nights

Mary drank and

Mary ate

It was she who kept him

Alive

Passed through him

These hidden secrets

Maybe it was

TIME

You knew the truth

Here’s to our youth