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Anything for the patients

28 Jul
Jack Nicholson and patients in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Twinned fortitude of collective divine

Summon the medicated strength in you

Dancing all night with the patients: sublime

Lymph and gut damage is so bloody true

What do I do if I cannot visit?

It’s bitter truth injection: they give me

Thinking of lawyers so it’s explicit

Callus to the bone I can feel in thee

Get your guitar and work on this album

I long for the studio but not now

Sexual dysfunction, can I not cum?

Too much damage in me I feel that cow

Something’s got to give, they need therapy

Thrusting medication down their throats, stuck

Don’t throw it all away for chemistry

Bring back the healing and find them some luck

Beautiful girls but their bodies are fucked

One swiped me today but they came through true

She hit me round the face, I could have chucked 

Do you say bathroom or do you say loo?

Sonnets only have three quatrains but six

Shakespeare, I’m changing the rules, how doth feel?

I need that psychedelic music fix

Is it perfect? Do we have a cool deal?

Whether it’s me or Will, only time tells

Sing from the rooftops and ring out those bells

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Set Fire to the Ocean

5 Jan

Burning this inhalation

Through to my core

Creating the cancers

The manifestations in my body

Hunger

I love the word

Creating a self destructive state

In my lean starvation

With the fire burning

The life is safe beneath it

But on the surface

My blood is boiling

The raging sun has ravished

My insides

The moon is crying a million deaths

When I can see your sad broken eyes

With sorrow, pain and shame

They look nothing like the eyes

That used to look at me

The way they did

I could create a global thunderstorm

With lightening

To kill that fire

But I don’t think I will

I’ll just let the fire of desire

Feed off my potent oxygen

Tibetan Tranquility

22 Dec

Zen master

Sensei warrior

Meditating

Under that tree

Of life

Atop a Himalayan mountain

In Tibet

Why I always

Return

There

It feels like home

In my pose

For millennia

With all the

Dalai Lamas

Passing through

I will stay there

Remain

Calm

Peaceful

In my zone

Without

Levitation or

Hesitation

An out of body experience

No water and

No food

For I have

The tree of life

Running through me

Like water

From the Gods

The Tranquility of Freedom

28 Nov

Passing through the time

Passively numb

Remembering all the patients

And the damage done

These psychiatrists

They’re never gonna fully understand

Permission to land

So the prognosis

The diagnosis

Of psychosis

One word

To describe

The greatest dream

You’ve ever had

Or your worst nightmare

How do I translate

It into words?

Paint it into verbs?

The first one in 1999

2000

I felt like I was carrying

A child

Hadn’t menstruated

For months

I could hear the heavens

Dr Ewen

In the GP surgery

Cold to the touch

For I had travelled

Too much

Lying down in the

Back of the car

My parents were taking me to the Priory

Of Zion?

No, it was Dr Shur

But before

I could see the stars

The guiding lights

So connected to up above

With pure love

Was I with child?

So to the Priory

And Dr Shur

I remember the room

‘Alice, can you hear me?’

‘Alice, are you hearing voices?’

I stayed silent

Stared right into his soul

Saw his whole

He spoke to my parents

Adolescent Psychosis

Was his diagnosis

Prescribed Olanzapine

Oh, boy that was truly

Mean

So they took me downstairs

To a room

‘Would you like to stay here?’

Oh God, my fear

‘No, I think it will make

Me more ill’

I truly feared the precognition

Of that pill

So my parents took me home

And this is what my poor

Father had to do

Can you imagine?

After everything he had

Been through

At the Priory

The ECT

The damage to his sensitive

Brain

People, I can’t tell you

The pain

What would we gain?

From him giving me

This pill?

Would it make me more

Ill?

So he took it out of the

Packet

The racket of its metal

Jacket

And I took it

What happens next

Is the Devil’s work at best

For I saw all the animals

Dying

The heaven’s I could hear

Crying

My middle name

Carrying no shame

About what was about to

Happen

I bled

I bled a lot

It felt like a miscarriage

My mother pointed

At the dot

I looked at it

Was it really immaculate conception?

For I was a virgin

Why was I bleeding

So much

Why could I hear the

Heaven’s saying

What do we do now?

My higher power

They will never believe me

Will I ever write it down?

The weight of that

Thorned crown

For I was not Jesus

I know who was

I’ll never remind him

My soul mate

There is a reason

We forget

Some things I will never

Reveal

They’re too sacred

I needed to heal

I slept a full night’s sleep

I hadn’t slept for a week

Why couldn’t they have

Just kindly sedated me?

I needed to pray

And keep listening to God

My guardian angels

And spirit guides

This journey is going to be

Long

I’ve written my song

The next day I felt drugged

To the core

Heavily sedated

I couldn’t run

It overtook my brain

The torment and the

Pain

For I yearn

What is there to gain?

Maybe he’s now

Invisible

Flushed away

God will always find

A way

The Holy Spirit

So if my son is invisible

Imagine the power

And his ability to

Heal

But oh Lord this

World is such a mess

The borders on the countries

I confess

There are so many of us

Here

They shall not recognise

You

They will not see it in

Your eyes

There will be my

Disguise

God’s mysterious ways

So many days

I have kept this a

Secret from all of you

Religious delusion?

To me, it felt true

I can feel it in my love

My blood

The chalice

The name Palice

My brother gave to me

For my name is

Alice

My middle name is

Mary

My surname Palau means Palace

My cousin Camilla

St Clair

And my Grandmother

Lulu

St Clair

My great grandfather

Lewis Gower Williams

A vicar

Maybe that is why I

Feel I know the bible

So well

I have never read it

But the chapters just

Come to me

Every word but don’t

Forget

At first there was not

The word

I will explain it

Like a bird

At first there was the

Thought

What you have not

Been taught

For the sacred scriptures

Of every faith and religion

Are often being

Misinterpreted

Misconstrued

That causes me serious

Strife

In this life

I have so much I

Would like to reveal to you

What I feel is true

My psychoses are very

Important to me

The revelations

So please, please, please

Let me be

And I will try to explain

Through the healing of the

Rain

Maybe this is my book

For what you took

From me

And all the patients

Patience is a virtue

Silence is a gift

For I pray

And I will stay

There is so much to write

My possession

The confession

And God’s speed

Running through me

To exorcise

That dark force

The way it felt

To run that fast

Literally supernatural

Speed

The unreal greed

Of that possession

But I will write about it

In another piece

I was 17 years old

I was born on 30th September

1983

So it was the year

2000

You do the maths

You don’t have to believe

Me

To be honest I thought

Of taking the secret to

My grave

But I’ve decided to

Be brave

You wanted to know

The truth

That was my youth

There are some sacred

Things that you cannot

Prove

Get into the groove

Find your happy place

The answers are not written

On your face

They are in your hands

Your palms

The psalms

Dear Lord

I shall remain calm

Peace be with you

The rarest of scriptures are written through the air

26 Nov

That is why I chose to speak out loud

For the spirits and heavens

Carry my message

I am trying to tell you the truth

The whole truth and nothing but

The truth

So help you God

And all the Gods and all of the

The Angels

Goddesses

Your spirit guides

The rarest healers

Your brain

Your mind

It isn’t hard to find

The way you think

You cannot forgive

Because people cannot or are not

Forgiving you

I do leave you alone

For years at a time

Leave you to it

But why do I come back?

Because you need

Guidance

You need healing

The way you think

The damage in

Your brain

Your soul is not connected

To your spirit

From water

To rock

To plant

To animal

Ape

You think it’s just

For me

But the truth is

It’s really

For you

Take a risk

Breathe

Try to learn to forgive

And why it is necessary

Due to your parenting

And the path

You chose

Why you came back

I know you so well

More than anyone

Like the back of

My hand

I know your

Hands

I know your

Palms

Every vein

Every organ

Every part of you

I wish you could find

It in you

To believe me

Trust me

Let me in again

I am sending you

Long distant healing

I did it on

Keanu Reeves

I love that man

Like a brother

But we’ve never

Met

And Kylie Minogue

When she had

Breast cancer

I practice long distant healing

All the time

When I saw Di

My healer before

Any psychiatric

Intrusion

On my perfect

Brain

The damage done

Di used Vortex healing

But it was Christian

Her partner

Who truly healed me

It is often men

You know that

You do heal me

It is truly the rarest energy

I have ever felt

I wish more than anything

I could tell you everything

But you have to have

The courage

The braveness

To find it in you

To face

Me

More than anything

Please trust me

Please believe me

You have been broken many a time

When you drowned

And I gave you the kiss of life

But you died

When I was having

Your child

But you died

And you never met him

And we’re all here

We all come back for each other

When you were in chains

In prison

All of your pains

But why oh why

Dear Lord

Do you keep breaking the chains

The vital paper thin chains

Which I wrote

On your birthday

It’s crystal clear

Why we are here

I wish you could see

And truly be

See why you need me

You think you only get one life

It truly causes me strife

It is not about being your wife

It is about your life

The decisions you make

The actions you take

There is a purpose

A reason for

Physical presence

For you are alive

There is a reason why we

Are alive

And not dead

Life is short

The journey matters

The women you have

Fallen in love with

They are not far away

Even the ones

In heaven

We are all here

Please find it in you

Man

Why it is crucially

Important

For you more than anyone

Why it matters more

Than anything

In this life

The way you learnt

Your instruments

Your influences

The way you read

Left to right

The books you have read

The way you

Think and the damage

Done

The way you feel

I know you need to

Heal

Peace be with you

I will pray

And hope you stay

Down

You need to find

The thorns in the

Crown

Not the clown

But the way you run

We’re never truly alone

No need for loneliness

And when I needed

To run through you

I only did it because

I needed to

When I was going

Through my psychosis

The other night

In the safety

Of my bed

And my palace

My sacred space

In my flat

Not being tortured

In hospital

No more blues

I won’t let you lose

I’m happy for you

To win the game

But this isn’t a game

It isn’t about

Fame

Or

Rio

But that dream would be cool

Please don’t be a fool

It’s about so much

More

You now know the

Score

I wish you

More

Than anyone

That you get back

On the right path

You’ve broken me

In half

But

What breaks you

Makes you

You will see what happens

But please

When I say my need is greater than

Love

I truly mean it

There is a reason

For me

There is a reason

We met

In Jerusalem

What you have committed

Is pure treason

But we forgive you

Anything for you to see

How to be

Free

Forever

Love Palice 🌍🇬🇧🌈💫

The Fragility of my Soul

24 Nov

Tangible capillaries

Full of love

And lustful dreams

The delicate moon

Shines through

The matriarchal energy

When we bleed

Every 28 days

Staying in tune

With this tragic

Universe

We have so much

Work to do

Through my healing hands

I find our distant time

In future’s foretold

Constructing paradise

When in other dimensions

The angels are

Dancing

Across the oceans

Of skies

I hear you calling

My spirit’s name

Gently

When you are dying

When you are thirsty

When you are hungry

When you need light

When you need medicine

When you need healing

God is there

But unfortunately

There is too much evil

In this world

Too much corruption

The seven deadly sins

With seven admissions

Focus on the positive

The purity of love

With your spirit guides

Guiding you through

This life

With a library full of

Past lives

You wonder why I sacrifice

Myself

For this path

This torment of a journey

But there was serious

Work to do

Things to resolve

‘They simply weren’t sensitive to the mental arithmetic of her mind’

Truman Capote said

How do I explain that?

Never mind

I know it’s true

There’s a true beauty

To insanity

Dancing through its liberation

But

May sanity prevail

For my people need me

My loves

Sent from up above

I would do anything for

Love

It really does conquer

All

Through all the wars

All the scars

All the wounded

All the blood

All the tears

All the fears

All the loss

I question

The man

And the patriarchy

The power you crave

Which takes

The innocent

To their grave

The treacherous torture

The vicious repetitive

Rape

Then and only then

I pray for your impotence

I call upon Nemesis

To do her work

For I have Eros

Running through me

And with his tantric

Healing

His feeling

My celibacy is sacred

GA is calling me

When I am addicted

To casino Empire

The cards

The pace of their brains

That exquisite skill

Of magnificent mathematicians

The human psychology

Yet what I witness

Is desperation

Addiction

Clasping their brains

Taking their wedding rings

Off

To attempt to take me

To their hotel rooms

I would never go with you

I would never do that

To your wife

Oh Lord, the strife

Of their life

When I won that

Straight Flush

Playing Black Jack

With poker side bets

I was dealt the eight

Of diamonds

The dealer

The six of diamonds

I turned to Joe

The cute guy next

To me

Who I had just met

Held his t-shirt

And said

Seven of diamonds

And she dealt it

I cannot describe

The euphoria

The ecstatic ecstasy

The magic and the rhythm

To the fortune

And luck

Of winning that

Straight Flush

It is so rare

£2050

Can you imagine?

Yet there is a fear

To never gamble

Again

As I know the rarity

I have learnt my lesson

Never to chase

But having been

£28k in debt

When I was on Abilify

Causing

A pathological

Gambling addiction

Should I really be

Visiting

These tragic dens

I quit smoking

For three days

Then while drinking

A bottle of

Château Les Bouysses

Cahors Malbec

I messaged him

In total desperation

‘Please, please, please

Leave me alone’

So I started smoking

Again

Whatever state he was in

The message is very clear

I needed my

American Spirit

To smoke that spirit

Away

I needed to pray

With my gifts

Why was I so aware

Of him?

I think I am aware

Of the difference

Between my gifts

And my illness

But I do get confused

It has me in a flair

My truthful glare

When he never instigated

Communication

I have been intrusive

In his private life

I have been seriously

Annoying

And to a certain extent

A stalker

By at times

Messaging and emailing him

When we stalk

We need a hawk

The animal code

Nature’s codes

The Fibonacci sequence

I apologise from

The bottom of

My heart

You know I love you

I would do anything

To be your friend

Have you in my life

But I do respect you

Your wishes

Your needs

Can I live without you?

Can I live without water?

Can I live without oxygen?

Can I breathe without you?

Only time will tell

I have walked through

Hell

I saw my father going

Through hell

For Tom

In my 2018 psychosis

I would do anything

Anything

To heal Tom

I would sacrifice it all

For that man

To play his drums

The rarest musician

I have ever come across

Who went to Guildhall

Played in Ronnie Scott’s

One of the best drummer’s

Of his generation

If not the best

But then struck by

The most vicious

Disability

12 long years without

A diagnosis

I have been through his life

Through his past lives

When we were bears

That bear hug

I can see a vulture

Clasping his neck

FND

Functional Neurological Disorder

How do we order

This brain network disorder

How do we collectively

Heal Tom?

Calling on all the Gods

All the healers

All the heavens

All the rarest phenomenons

I would do anything

For him

Please help me

Heal Tom

It is not currently

The FND

It is the fact

He was poly drugged

Prescribed harm

The poison of Venlafaxine

Has truly damaged

Him

And countless others

Anti depressant withdrawal syndrome

Yet he is not a depressive

Yes he is an artist

When we met

They had put him on

Olanzapine

An anti psychotic

Which I was on

When I was 17

The first anti psychotic

I was ever prescribed

I could see what

It was doing to him

But more importantly

He didn’t need it

What the fuck are they doing?

These psychiatrists

They have illnesses themselves

I can see their truth

I can see the way they

Were taught

Reading left to right

Medical degrees

Some even becoming

Professors

But it is the way they

Think

Each one being different

They will all have

A different opinion

But read Cracked

Why Psychiatry is doing more harm than good

By James Davies

I know that is one of

The reasons I am here

I chose my path

My journey

My parents

We need to teach you

Remind you of true medicine

It is in the plants

You do not understand

The brain

So you are playing with

Fire

You have created God’s

Wrath

In me

Calling on his

Messiah

To heal this devastating

Mess

I do confess

He came through me

On one of my admissions

You would diagnose it as

Religious delusion

But how can you be so sure?

Do you have a faith?

Whatever religion

I sometimes learnt more

From the cleaners

And nurses

Than the arrogance

Of the doctors

Primum Non Nocere

First Do No Harm

Yet the harm you have

Caused

Is simply unforgivable

Too many deaths

Too much suffering

For what?

Money?

It is a trillion dollar industry

Big pharma

You have blood on your hands

With your houses

Private jets

And materialistic wealth

I would prefer to be on

The streets

Homeless

Staying true to who I am

Than create money

Out of suffering and death

Yes they do help to a certain extent

But the violation of medication

The torture of being

Pinned down by five nurses

Some of whom

I had never seen before

With force

I was totally calm before that

I was there voluntarily

You broke the law

By injecting me

With Haloperidol

And what it did to me

Twitching my head

Slurred speech

A dribbling wreck

To the point my parents

Couldn’t understand

What I was saying

‘She had a bad reaction’

You could have killed me

And my God

People have died

You cover up the numbers

But we know the truth

God is always counting

All the deaths

All the sins

The torment

The sacrament

Trust me

We need to learn from

Ancient wisdom

Mania and psychosis

Has been around

For millennia

Ask me

Ask the shamans

Ask the witch doctors

Consult the Eastern medics

Kinesiologists

Healers

Homeopaths

Tristan and Isolde

This fable is so old

I have a library full of

Past lives

One of the oldest

Souls in the book

And I am not the only one

We have come back

For a reason

For each other

But mainly to save

This God forsaken

Human race

This entire universe

And other universes

Every grain of sand

Every rock

Every plant

Every mountain

Every particle of water

Every tree

Every river

Every chief

We are trying to save you

There will be a lot of death

There will be a lot of suffering

There will be a lot of displacement

There will be extinction

But the new rarest species

Are returning

There will be proof

To what I can see

But we MUST protect them

Your fossil fuels

And oil

And plastic

Is killing us

And due to your economy

Your numbers

You are not willing to make

The changes

We so desperately need

Screaming at the

Psychopaths

In their worst nightmares

God has love

But God equally has

Wrath

In the bible

I know every word

Every chapter

On another level

Every scripture

Every deity

Because it is written in

My blood

My chalice

Palice will

Remind you

Without a falice

And no malice

Face me

Or

Fear me

It depends what you have done

For I may

Show you no eyes

I may hug you

I may attempt to

Heal you

I may make love to you

It truly depends

On your karma

And your dharma

Putin

You will be a fly at best

Netanyahu

Trump

Xi

You feel powerful

But the hell you will

Face

The torment and suffering

You have inflicted

I have no fear

But fear

God’s wrath

Because he is more

Powerful

Than the demon’s glare

The devil’s stare

The amount of sins

Are counted

The deaths especially

Of war crimes

On innocent children

Are noted

Every move

Every mannerism

Every decision

Every thought

Every deed

Is noted

And you will have

Nemesis

For the amount of time

You deserve

You will never be in my

Prayers

You will never see

Me

But you will be scared

In your nightmares

So back to the future

We need to learn from

Our past

I need to dance

My magic trance

Poet Laureate

I would accept

My dreams and goals

Are my purpose

Believe what I say

But more

Believe what I do

Believe what I write

Believe me when I’ve done it

As this piece draws

To a close

Who knew it would be

So long

But I’ve been travelling

Through my insanity

And my sanity

May sanity prevail

On this Holy Grail

I changed the Lord’s Prayer

From bread to

Holy Water

For it was needed more

What Jesus forgot

What we need to

Heal with

The Last Supper

How do you think Jesus

Survived 40 days and

40 nights

Mary drank and

Mary ate

It was she who kept him

Alive

Passed through him

These hidden secrets

Maybe it was

TIME

You knew the truth

Here’s to our youth

Little Hands and Little Feet

12 Nov

Little hands

Placed in mine

Always thinking

If you’ll be fine

Little feet

I pretend to eat

While changing your nappy

Just to make you happy

Little tears

And little fears

Comforting cuddles

Jumping in puddles

Crossing roads

Amazed by toads

Looking at all the animals

On the wall

Catching you

When you’re about to fall

Playing your favourite game

Wrapping up warm

Running in from the rain

All the wonder

And all the joy

All the learning

Your new favourite toy

Little hands and little feet

Running

Jumping

Dancing

Scooting

Swirling round and around

With music in the air

Little hands and little feet

You make my heart go

Beat beat beat

Solitary Confinement

5 Nov

I can smell the concrete

The baron cold

The windowless cell

The fear beneath my feet

The enveloping darkness

The harshest rations

The metal bars

To where freedom reigns

The madness of solitude

The desperation of thirst

Quenches my cracked lips

Pacing

Always pacing

Counting

The never ending numbers

Crouching on the floor

With my head between my knees

The years

So long ago

The torture and blood

Skinny to the bone

I often think about people

In solitary confinement

And visit them

My spirit is everywhere

Forests’ bare

Setting alight with rage

Dreaming of rain

To nourish the earth

When it’s cracked

And breached

And broken

Caress the air

Fly free

You wonder

Why freedom

Is so important to me

You won’t appreciate it

Until it’s taken away

Crimson sunset

Hands that heal

Innocents jailed

For millennia

The suffering is worse

Than death

I don’t blame them

For taking crystal meth

In another universe

These aliens have a certain language

The way they move their hands

You can communicate

With everything

Technology beyond your imagination

Capabilities beyond recognition

Lie still

Peace

Zen

Solitude

Confinement

Breathe

And as the seconds feel like hours

Take haste

Escape

In your land of dreams

Dimensions expand

No space and

No time

Illusive dance

My magic trance

INSIDE YOU

22 Oct

Travelling through

Your healing hands

A glistening light

Tantric delight

So I’m aware

Of how to method act

But really the temptation

Is to pass through you

Beautifully true

The Lord’s Prayer

‘Forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who trespass against us’

I know I shouldn’t do it

But being inside you

Is pure heaven

Those veins

That skin

Those scars

That sin

Your stomach

Your heart

Your mind

Sublime to find

I wanna pass through you

Hydrate you

When water touches my lips

The astral traveller’s psychedelic mystical trips

Forest Fires

30 Jun

The magnitude of courage

To overcome

Niagra falls of emotion

The depth of knowledge

From the drought of fountains

Catching alight

The plight of damage

I can feel it coming

In strength and waves

Mother nature’s wrath

Of human greed

It goes from bad to worse

And with my third eye

Awakening

Crying out to the mountains

Where it takes millennia

A delicate stream

Of dedicated equilibrium

The scales have broken

This never ending song

What’s it gonna take

For you to listen and change

Draw breath

From your current influx

Of pace

All these words

Lost to a cause

An environmental minister

Quits

Due to your apathy

And blind state

The urgency needed

Contrasted with your

Negligence

Leaves the animals

Dead

With their blood on your hands

Silent screams

And dead machines

Fumes blare out

Children rage

You bury their dreams

The stars shy away

The other universe

Watches still

And they pray

For us to stop

And listen

Slow down

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

What are you thinking?

It’s coming

The grass is dry

The roots are thirsty

The fire within me

Matches the forest fires

Written now

Counting down the seconds

I hate the wait

I hate the weight

Of what we’re carrying

On our shoulders

The shoulders

Of giants

All lay dead

Next to the ants

Who needs to wear pants?

When we’re naked

Truly bare

And broken

I can’t begin to tell you

Where I’ve been

In the last month

And all I’ve seen in the last five minutes

You’ll see within the next few weeks

Forest Fire

Oh so dire

Catch me on the wire

Pump up another tyre

This planet’s mire

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