palicedotorg

So the story continues

I trained hard and got a job at a sports club with a pool in Wimbledon

Taught aqua aerobics, aerobics and took an Evergreens class

Training ladies over the age of seventy

I loved that generation so full of vigour and verve

The most qualified personal trainer on the floor

I built up my personal training clients

Kept an eye on the score

Working out holistic individual a programme

Including nutrition, cardio and weights

I certainly gave a damn

Making little tweaks to suit their individual bodies and metabolisms

Psychology plays a big part

There’s a sensitive key to that art

I helped one guy gain the weight and muscle tone he desired

And another American lady lose twenty pounds

Job satisfaction

With interaction

Shone through

I started doing massages

At the property company I used to work for on Fridays

I had come off the Olanzapine after six months of being prescribed

I felt like some part of me had died

But continued medication free

Completely free to be

Gaining my figure back, my selling tool

To do my job and what was required

No longer cloudy or mired

To be successful

Plentiful in numbers

I sorted my hours to be consistent every day

12-4pm

And trained my PT clients around that time

To be honest I felt fine

So as not to disrupt my sleep cycle

Fall off my bicycle

So to speak

No early starts or late nights

I ate six small meals a day

Little bites

Got my metabolism to work quick

Sped up my running, tick

So that went well

But then a friend of mine who can be up and down

Encouraged me to quit my job and travel through Africa

It was tempting and I should have carried on

But after a few years I was done to move on

I left all that I had created and worked for at the sports company

But never went to Africa to travel the land

I think the Gods had something else planned

I lost my way

Needed to pray

But the symptoms were returning

And my poor parents couldn’t cope

They tried everything and continued hope

But I fell to my feet with the illness

Needed confession and a church I remember saying

But little did I know the powers at be and what they were playing

So to my first voluntary admission

They tried to drug me and make a commission

Without diagnosis yet

Please don’t forget

You can’t leave these wards without a diagnosis

What a pathetic prognosis

But SchizoAffective Disorder seemed to fit

I didn’t like the bracket one little bit

I met a guy named Noel

Who is still a friend to this day

Just spoke to him on the phone

I learn from him

And he’s never one to moan

He was like a pharmaceutical dictionary

Knew every medication under the sun

I’d never quite come across a brain like this

Always drawn to scholarly intelligence

He was studious, academic

From the school of hard knocks

Known to his friends

As the come back kid

There’s a song in there

Just due to everything Noel did

So in Laurel ward, Queen Mary’s

They pinned me down for the first time

After spitting out their poison

Someone had reported my crime

So they told me to lie down and stay calm

I lay on the ground and said I imagine I’m on a beach

Something in an acting class that came later, the coach would teach

It wasn’t good enough for the nurses

I can see why they were riddled with curses

What came next is not for the faint hearted

Five of them holding me down

One on my left hand

And the other holding my right hand down

There was a metal chain around his wrist

I felt like using my fist

But with my inner Buddhism I would resist

On my delicate bodied stomach

I cherished like a crown

I’d worked hard for my health

What they didn’t understand

It was pure stealth

One on my left ankle and

The other on my right

One pulling my trousers down

The violation is explicit

A patient stayed in the room trying to show his support

What I didn’t realise is, it was Haliperidol

And boy it was foul

They injected me in my buttock and

I tried to pretend it hadn’t happened

I got up quick and ran to the outside space

Jumped on the bench with the patients around me

I went into full pace

I quoted Muhammad Ali

‘Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee’

Moving my feet back and forth

‘No one can touch me’

I declared

All these drugged zombied faces looking up at me

How could I help them?

What the fuck have they done to them?

It was truly plain to see

So I said, I’m gonna pretend that didn’t happen

Nothing went into me and nothing’s in my blood stream

But as the hours turned to minutes

I was losing control of my body and mind

Internally I wanted to scream

The side effects were a devastating mess

My parents came to see me

And couldn’t understand what I was saying no less

My speech was so bloody slurred

My head was to the left twitching

And I dribbled like a baby

‘What have you done to our daughter?’

They cried

Lamb to thy slaughter, I’d metaphorically died

‘She reacted badly to the medication’

They replied

Not seeming to care or be concerned

I learnt over time what needed to be learned

For another patient who had met Princess Diana

And dressed me in a Sari no less

Had been injected with Haliperidol when pregnant

She was permanently disfigured

With her neck to the left

Her lifetime flashed before me

And left me bereft

Over the following days the horrible drug left my body

I continued to spit out their poisonous medication

Practiced my stillness for I could not run

A kind of prisoned meditation

And while the minutes passed like hours

And the hours passed like a day

I continued to sleep and fall to my knees and pray

The psychosis or whatever it was, left me

And through time I came out the other side

I left the ward and the nurse said to me

‘See you’re better now because you’ve taken your medication’

As I did not lie and I could see I was free

I turned to her and I admitted the truth

‘I never took that medication

You’re not gonna steal my youth’

I walked out the ward

Into the freedom

What happened to me there was defining not healing

A bird burdened to flight I had lost my feeling

Damage had been born

And I’d witnessed the greatest tragedy I’d ever come across in my life

Maybe this was my purpose

But the visions told me

This was gonna cause strife

I ran and I ran and I ran and I ran

Gave up smoking which I had started on the ward

They’d taught me to roll

Not something you expect to learn in a hospital

NHS and all its glory

I knew this would be an important part of my story

A patient had also chipped my tooth with a swing

I could have pressed charges

But God knows what havoc that could bring

The two medications that had been in my system

Which I’d come off too quickly

The damage was done

Did I have an illness?

Or had they created a train wreck

After a year I got ill again

And the second admission entailed

Here we go again, completely derailed

A psychiatrist came to our house

And I started to explain the electro magnetic field

He decided I was ill

And against my will

Went back to Queen Mary’s

Rose, an all female ward

This time the only way they could get their drugs into my system

Was to section me

Take away my rights

They didn’t let me be

I quickly learnt about the tribunal

Spoke to my lawyer

And won my case

I could articulate my words

And slow down my pace

So I left again

Hard stopped the meds

A fatal mistake I would only learn at thirty eight

Thanks to my boyfriend and all his research

If you hard stop the meds

You’re bound to get ill

The dopamine blockers and what they do

Mean that if you hard stop them

The dopamine will surge

You’re bound to get psychosis and mania

From the imbalance in the brain

Another admission put me under so much strain

They pinned me down again

This time in my sleep

The laws they were breaking left my

Lithe body shaking

I saw the nurses laughing down the corridor

After injecting a violent patient

Who was carrying her child

I noted their expression

And wrote down the evidence

One day I’ll remind them of their chuckling faces

My word against yours but there are many a patient

Who will support these cases

I’ll finish this chapter there for this rap is long

I haven’t forgotten and I won’t prolong

Remember who you are

And why you’re here

I found my purpose

My story is dear

Heart over head

I can feel it in my bones

The instinct to write

Let it flow from the hands

To the page

And create the iron from the paper

Eminem, Dre, 50, Snoop, Jay

Listening to what they had to say

So here goes

I was born in South London

Went to the local school

No fool

Boarding school at 10 until 17

And then it hit me

All the visions and lack of sleep

To diagnosis

And medication

I swelled up like a fatted pig

With raw red scars on my prized body

Taking my strength, my warrior gene

My brain, my academic ability

I have never felt so limited or so stupid

Olanzapine, what a sorry machine

These pharmaceutical billion dollar lies

Do you not feel or hear their cries?

So powered on

Went to my appointments via motorbike cab

In a mini skirt, I’ll just put it on my tab

Working in a property company as a receptionist

I got the whole company started on recycling

I travelled to work every day bicycling

I turned 18 and got a promotion

But with all the commotion

Going on in my mind and body due to these

Useless drugs

They created an anger and resentment I never had

But you know maybe I was glad

That I had something to fight for

Something to focus on

A massive injustice in the world that gave me a purpose

With no one speaking about it

Because they were all drugged to the eye balls

No steal, no zeal, no feel, many a meal

Do you even know what they do?

Do you know who’s on them?

They don’t even know how the brain works

Thinks it’s separate from the body

What a criminal story

In all their moneyed glory

Running every morning with a fight I’d never felt

Having to continuously increase the holes on my belt

But this fire that I walked with

The working class, the poverty, the black injustice

The unfair trade

The mess that you’d made

Carefully listening to a politics I didn’t agree with

The climate crisis

The drought coming, the fires and the tsunamis

The insanity of their actions

The boardroom meetings and the interactions

I enjoyed my job and the work

Never followed the crowd

Because I was allowed

To think for myself

Follow my dreams

Running through the streams

Of consciousness to the next chapter

I got another promotion to the house department

To be a negotiator and follow my mother’s path

Be the personal trainer or cut myself in half

So to the goals and checklists

It was: write my book, write my album, get my driving license

Get my body back and get that diploma

So I left my job and did an advanced diploma in

Personal training and sports massage therapy

Covering nutrition, pre and post natal, obesity,

Arthritis, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis and I got

My distinction

The highest mark they’d ever recorded in the final exam

When you put your mind to it and focus and work

The rewards speak for themselves

But I didn’t do it alone, my aunt tested me and trained me

How to win and pass that anatomy and those case studies

And learn how to find success and truly be

The person I wanted to see

My grandmother cried

And I flied with pride

So here’s to the first chapter and rap song

Boy, why did it take me so long?

To fly, cry, heal, feel, pray, lay, chase, embrace

Scream and dream

Maybe life is an Everest and we need to climb

Listening to the songs and hear the clock chime

Flip it, skip it, trap it and crack it

The whip, the drip, the fright, the flight,

The cage, the rage, the stage and the page

You can all rhyme

It’s not hard to find the time

Resurrection, past lives and incarnations

Infiltrations, destinations, revelations and levitations

If you truly want it

Become it

Without fear

Every year

It’s crystal clear

Take my hand

The radicals

Are supernatural

Surrounding you

We see the abuse

We hear your cries

Being stoned to death

Being pinned down

The strength of Goliath

To push him off

And run to shelter

God’s speed

I pray for your impotence

And you know why

In Saudi Arabia

In every continent

The karma you created

I see your dharma

There’s too much evil in this world

Female suppression

Supernatural hand

Catches your fist

Stops your slap

The porn

Oh I mourn

Ashton Kutcher

I was listening

And I’ve seen what you’ve witnessed

Holy Mary Mother of God

My wrath

Filled with this universe’s

Poison

Moving mountains

To calmer waters

I travel back

To Tibet

To the first Dalai Llama

The Chinese golden scriptures

B.C

Levitation

Hesitation

Out of body experience

Please don’t touch my body

I’m working

Can’t you see my spirit

Dancing

Travelling

Going forward

Coming back

To their cries

For she flies

‘Why do you think you’re here

When you’re everywhere’

Quantum world

There are many paths

Routes

Fruits

Focusing on paradise

There I shall find you

But I have work to do

Restoring the balance

This music

Of Moulin Rouge

Where it takes me

To truth, beauty, freedom and love

We were sent from up above

Lyrics ~

Chorus

Rain

Rain down on me

We bring the rain

I can feel the rain

In me

Verses:

Running through the drought

I can feel the skies

The echoes of the elders

Beating their drums

Animals dying

Skeletal

I can smell the blood

I can feel the flies

Africa

Beat those drums

Feel the rhythm

In my oldest soul

This past life

Coming back

Bringing the rain

I’m so thirsty

I’m so dry

I’m so lean

I need water inside me

Running so far

Nomadic

Sense

Bring the rain

I need to run in the rain

I believe in miracles

I believe in Nelson Mandela

I believe in the rainmakers

And I believe in Africa

When I was there

I feel it in my bones

It’s written in flesh and blood

In the blazing sun

Kiswahili run

The power of one

United

Flying through the skies

In the ocean below

This African land

The climate

The imbalance

In one land we flood

In another we drought

We have created

The scales to tip

The forest fire

Dire

Oh so sure

Rearrange

Change

This disorder

To order

The current

Sways

And churns

In the whales’s tales

And the snail’s trails

Weather’s feather

Don’t underestimate me

In this fruitful tree

Braking

Shaking

But the power

Is written

In your final hour

We need to switch the climates

Change the currents

Listening to mother earth’s wrath

She might not save you

I’ll do my best

But you need to listen to me

We need Poseidon

We need Jupiter

Not the planet

The God of weather

I can see the future and yours

Including your past

Show me your eyes

Show me yours hands

The journey is written in your skin

Find it within

You hold the answers

You’ll find the key

But you need to be sensitive

To her time

Due to your crime

It’s not fine

We’ve created too much evil

Working for the devil

Why do you think I’m back

Stop making me lose track

I was born ready

Rock steady

Rocking the stars

We’ve been to mars

I had to go further

Found it in another galaxy last night

Communication took a while

But K-Paxian theurum helped

Then I had to go further

To save you

Beyond the light year back to another universe

Do you see why I have to be quick

But your so called clock is ticking

Lateral time

There is only now

I’ll explain how

I’ve listened to the science

And Greta too

We need you all in this fight

Don’t take it light

For I’m 10 feet tall

And now i’m small

Welcome to Wonderland

It was written in the stars

And lightening

Who we save

But watching the towers

Fall

And the thunder lightening

It’s not frightening

When you know what’s going to happen

But please be prepared

I’ve written it before but you just

Weren’t listening

Britannia and the world

You need to build your boats

Of Titanic glory

Noah’s ark

Please don’t forget the lama

And the lark

The birds and the bees

The eagles and hawks

For I stalk

And you wonder why

I cry

Tsunami, I know when, you’ll see…

For you will drown

He wears the crown

Don’t worry if you die

We need you in the sky

And the ocean

Quick get the potion

Be the superstar that you are

XXV.V.MMXXII