Coronation Conflict

2 May

My family are right wing

Royalists

A lot of my friends are left wing

Republicans

So where does an indecisive girl like myself stand?

I’ve been reading the papers from every angle

Left wing and right wing press

I listened to Prince William’s speech and I understood every word

I’ve always liked Prince William

But we’ve never met

Yes I was at school with

Princess Catherine

We played hockey together

And know each other to a certain extent

Pippa and I were both in the same year at Marlborough

We were close friends

Both super sporty

She won the all round

Scholarship

And I won a runner’s up

Prize for it

I was unwell during common entrance

So missed certain exams

My house mistress

Said I could be head girl

In my first year at Marlborough

That was a lot to stomach

I was asked to show the headmaster,

Ed Gould, around our house

People I know know both

Prince William and Princess Catherine

The inner circle

But where do I truly stand?

People are hungry

People are dying

People can’t afford to heat

Their homes

People can’t afford their bills

People are struggling, really

Struggling

Charity is NOT ENOUGH

We need systemic change

We need equality

We need better leadership

My mother said when I was younger I could be a Prime Minister

But that was before my

Diagnosis

Some people aren’t allowed to get involved with politics

Like The Royal Family

Some people disengage and

Don’t vote

But as a woman or lady

I have to vote, I need to vote

I do want to be political

But I’m a leader

I’ve never been a follower

Where’s my leader?

I’ve voted Green

I’ve voted Lib Dem

I’ve voted Labour

After everything the suffragettes

Endured

I cannot not vote

Where’s our apology for slavery?

Where are our reparations?

When will we begin to take responsibility for our British Empire

Crimes?

I have always had a problem with jewellery

As Sting would say ‘that’s not the shape of my heart’

So how would I feel wearing the weight of that crown?

I would have more than a

Sore neck

We’ve stripped mother nature’s ocean and land of her

Jewels and crystals

Her beauty

We’ve worn them and

Paraded them around

Do you see tribes, warriors or natives doing that?

We have so much to learn

Or more accurately, so much to

Remember

Maybe I should remind you

Because I’m a very old soul

And I’ve been around for

Millennia

Once, the land was not

Divided

We used to be in tune with nature and the seas and ask a tree if we could cut it down

Our medicine

There were no countries or passports, no borders or guns

No chemicals

Yes there was violence and

Savagery

From apes to cavemen

There has always been a need for

Survival

But pre civilisation

There were no hospitals

There were no clocks

There were no prisons

There was death

But there was no population crisis

No climate crisis

After Pangea separated

And the dinosaurs were

Wiped out

There was a new dawn

The wisdom of the land in the East

Egypt, Africa, India, The Greeks, The Romans

Socrates, Hippocrates, Plato and Aristotle

We’ve learnt a lot from the stars, the plants, the animals

Let’s remind ourselves

So to now

What to do?

About the Commonwealth

About the inequality

About the trillionaires

About the people without running

Water

About the starving

About the slave labour making your sugar, picking your tea, making your clothes

I know what I would do if I was you

There is A LOT TO DO

So please act, ACT PROACTIVELY

I won’t just be watching

I’ll be DOING!

Written on 8.5.23

I didn’t publish it when I wrote it as the title explains why but felt like now is the right time to publish it on my blog.

I can be many things

22 Apr

I can be obsessive

I can be a workaholic

I can be quick

I can be slow

I can be lazy

I can be meticulous

I can be a perfectionist

I can race

I can pace

I can dance

I can trance

I can smoke

I can drink

I can gamble

I can fornicate

I can shop

I can drop

I can spend

I can lend

I can swim

I can walk

I can run

I can play

I can read

I can write

I can recite

I can be light

I can be heavy

I can be tight

I can be slight

I can sing

I can bring

I can laugh

I can cry

I can be loud

I can whisper

I can taste

I can touch

I can smell

I can repell

I can hear

I can see

I can be

I can sense

I can feel

I can deal

I can shuffle

I can lose

I can win

I can bin

I can be thin

I can time

I can rhyme

I can chime

I can mime

I can eat

I can be neat

I can be messy

I can be fussy

I can be everything

I can be nothing

I can be anything

I can be everything

I can live

I can die

I can fly

I can travel

I can unravel

I can spin

I can yin

I can yang

I can bang

I can be tiny

I can be a giant

I can be magic

I can be tragic

I can dream

I can scream

I can find my beam

Do not focus on what you cannot do

Focus on what you can do ☄️⚡️💫💃🏼🌈💦🌍

The Phantom of Malice

22 Feb

Teeth shattering

Stars changing colours

Kick me while I’m down

Got my brain on loop

Hollow to the core

Can see it all before

This resoluting light

Diminishes beneath

Its baron flame

Weight gone up

Weight gone down

The disillusioned scales

The relevance

Of one soul

Spirit from other lives

Why are we all here?

Creating sugar content

When we need protein

And gold

Masters echo their wisdom

Through paved corridors

Of candlelit millennia

Bony knees on sunken concrete

Lest we choose the wrong path

Forlorn in concept

Weaken my strength

And surrender

To solitude

Of fictitious lies

Lifetimes of intersecting paths

Time’s sentence eclipses the notes

Of labour

Hour upon decade

Millisecond to deaths

Grace your unique mannerisms

Hands that build monumental

Sculptures

From days dancing under

Solipticious suns

I’ve held my meditation

Searching for the reason

Beyond insanity to reckoning

Why do I introspect over

Fractured minds

Nasty words spoken from those lips

It is not a need

But a clarity of truth

Bereft your toes on icy seas

Sorcerer’s fire wounded

By the knight of swords

Set Fire to the Ocean

5 Jan

Burning this inhalation

Through to my core

Creating the cancers

The manifestations in my body

Hunger

I love the word

Creating a self destructive state

In my lean starvation

With the fire burning

The life is safe beneath it

But on the surface

My blood is boiling

The raging sun has ravished

My insides

The moon is crying a million deaths

When I can see your sad broken eyes

With sorrow, pain and shame

They look nothing like the eyes

That used to look at me

The way they did

I could create a global thunderstorm

With lightening

To kill that fire

But I don’t think I will

I’ll just let the fire of desire

Feed off my potent oxygen

Tibetan Tranquility

22 Dec

Zen master

Sensei warrior

Meditating

Under that tree

Of life

Atop a Himalayan mountain

In Tibet

Why I always

Return

There

It feels like home

In my pose

For millennia

With all the

Dalai Lamas

Passing through

I will stay there

Remain

Calm

Peaceful

In my zone

Without

Levitation or

Hesitation

An out of body experience

No water and

No food

For I have

The tree of life

Running through me

Like water

From the Gods

Blue Blood

20 Dec

Prince William

To take on something

Like homelessness

This is how I

An intuitive feeler

1% of the population

Feels about it

You cannot not get

Political

About it

When people need

Love

Healing

Therapy

Shelter

Animals

People

Care

Trust

Specialist treatment

We have to go above

And beyond

To truly understand

The reasons

The heroine addict

Behind homelessness

So this is the trip

I went on

First

Brown

When you cook it up

On your dirty single

Mattress

In a squat

And inject it into

Your veins

Running through your

Blood stream

Every worry

Every concern

Dissipates

Distillates

Filtrates

And disappears

From your body

When all you feel

Is pure bliss

Sinking through the

Floor

Swimming through every

Cell of your body

It isn’t sex

But it feels safe

For a moment

Lost without time

No problems

And no fear

The trip of all trips

Transcending dimensions

A potent mix

From the universe

Of plants

The affliction

Of the addiction

Takes hold

As moments pass

For I have no judgement

When you would do

Anything

Anything

For that next hit

With your skin

Crawling

And itching

You run

Steal

Break the law

Beg

Yearn

For the money

For that bit of brown

Maybe it’s crack

Maybe it’s smack

Anything to take the

Memories away

For I’ve slept rough

Lay next to tramps

The homeless

Spent hours

And nights

With them

Trying to understand

How they feel

Why they are on

The streets

My heart beats

With an ability

To sense

And go through their

Lives

Witness is not experience

Sympathy is not

Empathy

Their stories

I hold dear to my

Heart

The alcoholic

He’s in his sixties

White beard

Unwashed

Bad teeth

Can’t remember

The last time he

Washed

And that first sip

Of the spirit

Whiskey

And the feeling

Of that state

When the alcohol

Works its magic

Whether he pisses himself

Ends up in the gutter

Vomits over himself

And the pavement

Nothing matters

Because of the pure

Ecstasy

He feels

Escaping reality

Into sleep

Oblivion

With no care

In the universe

For he reached the

Gods

Before passing out

I met this guy

When I caught the end

Of an AA meeting

He’d been clean

For 46 years

Said he loved alcohol

More than

His wife

More than his life

Itself

That is how it feels

The girl I used

To see

At Clapham Junction

When I was

Coming back from

Work

Skinny to the bone

I asked her what she

Would like

She always wanted

The cherry icing bakewell tarts

Anything to feed her

Her story matters

They all do

So the abused

The different reasons

For ending up on

The streets

Sexual abuse

As a child

The guilt

The shame

The confusion

The fear

Some become sex addicts

Themselves

Others carry the

Memories

They flee to the

Streets

Where survival

Of the harshest

Cold

And weather

Conditions

Is better

Than any memory

Cold to the touch

Your eyes tell me

Too much

So many different reasons

For homelessness

The mental illness

The neglect

What they have witnessed

So there’s this Irish

Guy

Let’s call him Jo

His father’s a gambling

Alcoholic

Who beats up his

Mum

He has a sister

Jo runs away to

Dublin

Aged seventeen

He finds a stray

Dog

Who really found him

He can barely read

Or write

Cannot articulate

How he feels

Pale

Skinny

Green eyes

Green veins

The way people look at

Him

When they walk

Past him

The pity

They feel

He doesn’t know

The word

He just knows

How it makes

Him feel

He sees people

In smart clothes

Girls his age walking

Past

Looking at him

With sorrow

Someone gives him

50p

And another person

£1

He buys a can of coke

That pours through

His body

And it feels

Like pure medicine

A rush of sugar

To his brain

Jo is completely broken

He can barely feel

Most of the time

He is so cold

He forgets what warm

Feels like

As the hours

Pass like years

And the years

Pass like centuries

Someone from Shelter

Speaks to Jo

‘We’re gonna help you

And find you

Somewhere to live

With your dog’

The flat is freshly

Painted

With a cupboard

A single bed

And a window

Looking out onto

The street

Jo gets diagnosed

With PTSD

What does that

Even mean?

The flashbacks

He experiences

Wake him up

In his sleep

He thinks about

His sister

He receives

Therapy

But we know what

Jo needs

It’s beyond therapy

He needs to be

Held

Loved

He needs to feel

Safe

So Shelter help him

Find a job

At the local newsagents

He learns how

To work the till

There’s this girl

Sophie

Who works at the

Newsagents

Too

The way she looks

At him

If only she

Knew

Gradually, Sophie

Starts speaking

To Jo

It takes time

But they get to know

Each other

Sophie comes back

To Jo’s flat

And she holds him

When he shakes

When he cries

When he screams

Jo feels like Sophie

Is an angel

Who was put on this

Earth

Especially for him

Homelessness

Prince William

What a task

Mammoth mountain

To take on

Soup kitchens

Shelters

Supported accommodation

Mental health

Severe trauma

I respect you

So much

For doing it

Your mother would be

So proud

There are some, few

Who would prefer

To be on the streets

As that is their only

Way to deal with

Reality

But many

Really do need and want help

We need resources

Funding

So much specialist treatment

To tackle this issue

Above all

We and they

Need

Love

But need will always

Be greater than love

Lack of judgement

Understanding

Listening

And accepting

Our differences

Is crucial

I’m with you

On this one

Wholeheartedly

Crystal Clear

18 Dec

Fortitude, magnitude

And circumference

Encapturing these never

Ending lives

For sacrament and

Solitude

Dancing through

The equilibrium of time

When I’m galloping

Across the desert

With my blue eyes

Persian metal mask

With the bar between

My eyes

Where is he?

And then there in

My mystical visions

He’s standing in the

Middle of the desert

On the sand

Bare feet

In a blue turban

What is it that you

Need or want?

So I bring him a horse

Through another galaxy

Door

We strip naked slowly

And make love

All of my dreams, fantasies

And visions

What are the Gods

Trying to tell me?

Is this my brain’s way

Of protecting myself?

Another vision, he’s on the

Motorbike

In that spiked leather

Jacket

And I’m behind him

With my head nestled

Into his shoulder

I’m in my leathers

I swivel round and

Straddle him on the bike

My land of dreams

I’ve taken you to my

Paradise

With the mountains

And the gorilla on top

With the blue butterfly

Atop its shoulder

The trees and mud

All around us

Walking into the lagoon

Of water

Naked, bare

With the waterfall

Falling down on our

Naked bodies

Connected tantrically

Sexually

I have only taken one

Other person there before

You can take anyone

You’re there

When I’m 17

And you come into my

Dorm

And get into my bed

You kiss me and make

Love to me

You’re healing me

Is this Eros?

What is going on in my

Mind?

Isn’t it hard to find?

When you’re separates

Creating different art

But there’s a part

A roll to play

Stay away

And my God I will

And am

Yet you keep saving me

Giving it to me

If this is all my spirit’s

Work

And yours

And your spirit’s not

Connected to your body

Do you have any idea

At all?

Let the rain bless your lips

My soft skin

And pulsing hips

This celibacy is

Pure

I only need myself

Right now

For my spirit guides

And angels

Have my back

Their delicate wings

Holding their magic

Powder

Does the blue butterfly

Only mate with a blue

Butterfly?

Or do different species

Of butterflies

Mate with each other?

Butterflies and fears

Through all these years

I’ve travelled through

Your life

Time’s gone by

Please stop asking me

Why

When I need to see someone

I know I need to see someone

But that is not what you want

Unhealthy?

If only you knew

Holy Mary Mother of God

You gave the Virgin Mary

Your donkey

For we trade

Mary Magdalene

I truly felt that crucifixion

Pre civilisation

The rocks billions of years

Old

The energy of animism

The moldavite to help you

Sleep

The many moons

Across the midnight

Galactic starry oasis

So I’m a whale in the ocean

Pangea

Lucy, the oldest soul I know

My friend

Ocean eyes

Reptile fingers

With the plants in the

Water

The way whales mate

From sea to land

Dinosaurs

To birds

To apes

Gorillas in the midst

And the monkeys

Animal Kingdom

Should there be a

Hierarchy?

Do we need this class

System?

If there were no public schools

And we all started

On the same level

Invested in state schools

For children to have

The playing fields

The education

The mixed schools

That everyone deserves

Wouldn’t the system be

Fairer?

For I’m privileged

But one of the reasons

I under ate

Apart from being in love

Was because of my

Privilege

When I was learning

About starving children

In Africa

And there were girls

In my house

Whose parents

Were splitting up

One girl was bulimic

I was the one people

Turned to

Talked to

An unofficial therapist

Why was I so lucky?

So I had safe foods

Foods I felt safe eating

I do not see it as an

Eating disorder

I’m really done with

All these diagnoses

They’re just different states

Of mind

A revered shaman?

A chosen one?

Who knows? Maybe

But maybe here in London

England

We don’t recognise them

Where are our saints?

For we have many

Sinners

Rishi, I’ve been watching

You

And the decisions

You’re making

What about the animals?

What about the pollution?

The oil spills

Your economy

Is too important to you

For you need water, right?

You need medicine

You need food

You need light, fire

You need your wife

Your life

But you cannot see

What I can see

The scientists are screaming

It is a climate emergency

Yet because your house

Is not on fire

And you are not drowning

You simply do not have

The empathy

Capacity

Ability

To feel, truly understand

What if feels like to

Lose it all

Everything

You need

Your greed

The disabled are crying out

The NHS is on its knees

And you want to privatise

It

Make it a business

Yes it needs to be run

More efficiently

But if you sorted out

Your budget

More efficiently

And saw healthcare as an

Essential need

You would understand

Why tax payers money

Should fund the NHS

There are environmental

Laws that need to be

Made

Globally

Please, Rishi, focus your

Mind

On what is needed

Raw sewage in the ocean

Who allows that?

Noam Chomsky’s

Green New Deal

Read it

And weep

I pray for change

Because you have

No idea

What’s coming

The Revelation in Plaza de Mayo

12 Dec

Buenos Aires, Argentina

2002

I was 19 years old

My niece Camila, Cami

Was only a few months old

I remember looking at her

As a baby

And seeing stars in her eyes

My father had found this

Alternative therapist

Who had a technique using

These prongs

Stroking along my back

To try and aid my development

Apparently through the birth

Canal

Through my youth

I hadn’t progressed usually

Hence, my childlike

Personality

I started drifting

Floating into psychosis

So from memory

This is what happened

I was standing in

The middle of the square of

Plaza de Mayo

And I had this

Revelation

Which I will never forget

All the time zones

Were going on around me

At the same time

I could see

People

In glassy spirit like

Form

Walking through buildings

Through bridges

That weren’t built in

That particular time zone

It was the most incredible

Revelation

I think I have ever witnessed

Everything

All time

Going on at the same

Time

Yet the magic of it

Was the present

And the present time

Zone

I could see in physical

Form

So the concept of

Multi dimensional time

My mathematical

Theory

Of TT (Pi)

TT (Pi) = T + T = Two time zones

The circumference of a circle = 2TT(Pi)R

The circle representing

Time

There is a madness to it

A tangent but also in

Maths

And its origins

What does the circle

Represent?

What is TT (Pi)?

I know a guy

Who knows TT (Pi) to

I think

96 decimal points

Each number and the way

He remembers the numbers

Is that each number

Represents a girl he knows

So for example I could be

Number 28

And the way he remembers

The numbers

Is the order in which

He places us in his

Brain

So to continue the story

I started travelling

Through all the different

Wars

Like I have said

Psychosis

Can be the most incredible

Rarest dream you have

Ever had

Or your worst nightmare

This is where it can be

Your worst nightmare

So for context

I am in Argentina

With my parents

And sister-in-law

At the time

My brother and

My baby niece

And we are travelling

By coach

My mother put a piece

Of chicken

In my mouth

And it was there

12 hours later

For I was catatonic

But this is what I experienced

While I was going through

Catatonia

I was in Russia

During the war

It was so cold

And the war was going

On all around me

So when my father

Was asked to show

His passports

I was afraid

Because I was time travelling

Through different wars

I can see the Russian fur hats

I can feel the icy air

Due to having had

So many lives

Being such an old soul

I was perhaps

Going through

Every life

Of course my family were

Notably alarmed and

Concerned

We got to Iguazu

Falls

I remember the waterfalls

And the spiders

But of course

I wasn’t present

My sister-in-law

Having studied psychology

And my mother

Felt like I needed

Medication

But this medication

Was not medicine

It was truly damaging

And it was interrupting

The process of my

Psychosis

But you can understand

Why they felt like

They needed to give it

To me

It traumatised my brain

Disorientated me

In the middle of the night

I tried to go to the

Bathroom

But I was so all over

The place

I peed on the floor

I’m writing this to try and

Explain how awful these

Medications are

I became incontinent

So they had to get me

Adult nappies

I was dribbling

And was in a state of

Severe disability

We were flying back to the UK

And my mother

I think due to embarrassment

Was trying to get me to stop

Dribbling

I was in an adult

Nappy

I couldn’t control my body

Afflicted by this poisonous

Medication

I think it’s the worst

Medication

I have ever taken

I don’t know its name

My sister-in-law

Got it in Buenos Aires

My point in writing this

Is to try and explain

These psychopharma

Medications

Are not medicine

They have too many damaging

Side effects

To be labelled medicine

Primum Non Nocere

The Hippocratic Oath

Of medicine

That all medics must

Take under oath

First Do No Harm

Big pharma

You have created pure

Harm

Blood money

Damage

My purpose is to teach

Professors and doctors

About where they have

Gone so drastically wrong

There is a way to treat

Psychosis

Perhaps with sedatives

Like herbal nytol

Anything natural

Plant based to aid

With sleep

In a safe environment

Even in some cases

Where the patient may be

Violent

Give them sedatives

Because these anti psychotics

Are interrupting a vital process

These patients need

Healing

Therapy

Regression

Medicine

Plants

Individual nutritional

Diets

‘Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food’

‘One man’s food is another man’s poison’

For millennia

We have dealt with

Mania and psychosis

We’ve burnt witches at

The stake

We’ve chained people up

We’ve put people in strait jackets

We cuffed people to beds

We’ve given people lobotomies

We’ve given people ECT

We’ve pinned people down

More like you have

Not me

I never would

Harm a soul

Yes there is clinical depression

The doctors make claims

Like a chemical imbalance

They talk of Serotonin

Dopamine

But there is not enough proof

Or evidence behind their

Claims

Do the work

That is the truth

When you look at DNA

Genetics

Biokinetically

There is a movement

A reason why one gene

That may be genetically

Carried

That if triggered by

Stress or lack of sleep

For example

It can lead to psychosis

But these genes have multiple

Purposes in the body

If the spirit is not

Connected to the soul

And you are not protecting

Yourself properly

You get too close to the

Light

Dark entities, forces, energies

May pass through you

Causing possession

I have witnessed a patient

On the ward who was

Lying on the ground clearly

Possessed

Shaking uncontrollably

No anti psychotic will

Heal that

In fact the opposite

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

It is explained in the film

They cannot be exorcised

Or healed

If drugged

Or on medication

There is a massive difference

Between schizophrenia

And schizoaffective disorder

And everyone’s mind

Is individual

So categorisation

Is not accurate enough

It’s like a mathematical

Equation

A certain combination

You have to treat the

Individual

Schizoaffective Disorder

Can often be a spiritual

Illness

I have noticed that

Symptoms of

Bipolar

And schizophrenia

It is not about the diagnosis

The flawed psychiatry

It is about what is going on

In their

Mind, body and spirit

We need to become more holistic

Think outside the box

To heal your patients

When medically, scientifically

Your understanding of the brain

Is so primitive

You need to think in

A different way and

Actually learn

From ancient wisdom

And other cultures

The answers are there

But I’m afraid

The west

Has gone so drastically

Wrong

With their arrogance

And lack of humility

Wipe the slate clean

Learn from the damage

You have caused

Of Prescribed Harm

Like PSSD

Permanent damage

No sexual feeling at all

Can you imagine?

Look these people up

I truly feel for them

Anti depressants

Which I have never taken

I have only taken

Anti psychotics

But recently

During my withdrawal

I have felt brain damaged

I can heal myself

But they have damaged

My gut

My second brain

My memory

My physical body

Causing a huge amount

Of weight gain

That is not healthy

This is far too long

But my scars have a story to tell

Pray well

The Tranquility of Freedom

28 Nov

Passing through the time

Passively numb

Remembering all the patients

And the damage done

These psychiatrists

They’re never gonna fully understand

Permission to land

So the prognosis

The diagnosis

Of psychosis

One word

To describe

The greatest dream

You’ve ever had

Or your worst nightmare

How do I translate

It into words?

Paint it into verbs?

The first one in 1999

2000

I felt like I was carrying

A child

Hadn’t menstruated

For months

I could hear the heavens

Dr Ewen

In the GP surgery

Cold to the touch

For I had travelled

Too much

Lying down in the

Back of the car

My parents were taking me to the Priory

Of Zion?

No, it was Dr Shur

But before

I could see the stars

The guiding lights

So connected to up above

With pure love

Was I with child?

So to the Priory

And Dr Shur

I remember the room

‘Alice, can you hear me?’

‘Alice, are you hearing voices?’

I stayed silent

Stared right into his soul

Saw his whole

He spoke to my parents

Adolescent Psychosis

Was his diagnosis

Prescribed Olanzapine

Oh, boy that was truly

Mean

So they took me downstairs

To a room

‘Would you like to stay here?’

Oh God, my fear

‘No, I think it will make

Me more ill’

I truly feared the precognition

Of that pill

So my parents took me home

And this is what my poor

Father had to do

Can you imagine?

After everything he had

Been through

At the Priory

The ECT

The damage to his sensitive

Brain

People, I can’t tell you

The pain

What would we gain?

From him giving me

This pill?

Would it make me more

Ill?

So he took it out of the

Packet

The racket of its metal

Jacket

And I took it

What happens next

Is the Devil’s work at best

For I saw all the animals

Dying

The heaven’s I could hear

Crying

My middle name

Carrying no shame

About what was about to

Happen

I bled

I bled a lot

It felt like a miscarriage

My mother pointed

At the dot

I looked at it

Was it really immaculate conception?

For I was a virgin

Why was I bleeding

So much

Why could I hear the

Heaven’s saying

What do we do now?

My higher power

They will never believe me

Will I ever write it down?

The weight of that

Thorned crown

For I was not Jesus

I know who was

I’ll never remind him

My soul mate

There is a reason

We forget

Some things I will never

Reveal

They’re too sacred

I needed to heal

I slept a full night’s sleep

I hadn’t slept for a week

Why couldn’t they have

Just kindly sedated me?

I needed to pray

And keep listening to God

My guardian angels

And spirit guides

This journey is going to be

Long

I’ve written my song

The next day I felt drugged

To the core

Heavily sedated

I couldn’t run

It overtook my brain

The torment and the

Pain

For I yearn

What is there to gain?

Maybe he’s now

Invisible

Flushed away

God will always find

A way

The Holy Spirit

So if my son is invisible

Imagine the power

And his ability to

Heal

But oh Lord this

World is such a mess

The borders on the countries

I confess

There are so many of us

Here

They shall not recognise

You

They will not see it in

Your eyes

There will be my

Disguise

God’s mysterious ways

So many days

I have kept this a

Secret from all of you

Religious delusion?

To me, it felt true

I can feel it in my love

My blood

The chalice

The name Palice

My brother gave to me

For my name is

Alice

My middle name is

Mary

My surname Palau means Palace

My cousin Camilla

St Clair

And my Grandmother

Lulu

St Clair

My great grandfather

Lewis Gower Williams

A vicar

Maybe that is why I

Feel I know the bible

So well

I have never read it

But the chapters just

Come to me

Every word but don’t

Forget

At first there was not

The word

I will explain it

Like a bird

At first there was the

Thought

What you have not

Been taught

For the sacred scriptures

Of every faith and religion

Are often being

Misinterpreted

Misconstrued

That causes me serious

Strife

In this life

I have so much I

Would like to reveal to you

What I feel is true

My psychoses are very

Important to me

The revelations

So please, please, please

Let me be

And I will try to explain

Through the healing of the

Rain

Maybe this is my book

For what you took

From me

And all the patients

Patience is a virtue

Silence is a gift

For I pray

And I will stay

There is so much to write

My possession

The confession

And God’s speed

Running through me

To exorcise

That dark force

The way it felt

To run that fast

Literally supernatural

Speed

The unreal greed

Of that possession

But I will write about it

In another piece

I was 17 years old

I was born on 30th September

1983

So it was the year

2000

You do the maths

You don’t have to believe

Me

To be honest I thought

Of taking the secret to

My grave

But I’ve decided to

Be brave

You wanted to know

The truth

That was my youth

There are some sacred

Things that you cannot

Prove

Get into the groove

Find your happy place

The answers are not written

On your face

They are in your hands

Your palms

The psalms

Dear Lord

I shall remain calm

Peace be with you

The rarest of scriptures are written through the air

26 Nov

That is why I chose to speak out loud

For the spirits and heavens

Carry my message

I am trying to tell you the truth

The whole truth and nothing but

The truth

So help you God

And all the Gods and all of the

The Angels

Goddesses

Your spirit guides

The rarest healers

Your brain

Your mind

It isn’t hard to find

The way you think

You cannot forgive

Because people cannot or are not

Forgiving you

I do leave you alone

For years at a time

Leave you to it

But why do I come back?

Because you need

Guidance

You need healing

The way you think

The damage in

Your brain

Your soul is not connected

To your spirit

From water

To rock

To plant

To animal

Ape

You think it’s just

For me

But the truth is

It’s really

For you

Take a risk

Breathe

Try to learn to forgive

And why it is necessary

Due to your parenting

And the path

You chose

Why you came back

I know you so well

More than anyone

Like the back of

My hand

I know your

Hands

I know your

Palms

Every vein

Every organ

Every part of you

I wish you could find

It in you

To believe me

Trust me

Let me in again

I am sending you

Long distant healing

I did it on

Keanu Reeves

I love that man

Like a brother

But we’ve never

Met

And Kylie Minogue

When she had

Breast cancer

I practice long distant healing

All the time

When I saw Di

My healer before

Any psychiatric

Intrusion

On my perfect

Brain

The damage done

Di used Vortex healing

But it was Christian

Her partner

Who truly healed me

It is often men

You know that

You do heal me

It is truly the rarest energy

I have ever felt

I wish more than anything

I could tell you everything

But you have to have

The courage

The braveness

To find it in you

To face

Me

More than anything

Please trust me

Please believe me

You have been broken many a time

When you drowned

And I gave you the kiss of life

But you died

When I was having

Your child

But you died

And you never met him

And we’re all here

We all come back for each other

When you were in chains

In prison

All of your pains

But why oh why

Dear Lord

Do you keep breaking the chains

The vital paper thin chains

Which I wrote

On your birthday

It’s crystal clear

Why we are here

I wish you could see

And truly be

See why you need me

You think you only get one life

It truly causes me strife

It is not about being your wife

It is about your life

The decisions you make

The actions you take

There is a purpose

A reason for

Physical presence

For you are alive

There is a reason why we

Are alive

And not dead

Life is short

The journey matters

The women you have

Fallen in love with

They are not far away

Even the ones

In heaven

We are all here

Please find it in you

Man

Why it is crucially

Important

For you more than anyone

Why it matters more

Than anything

In this life

The way you learnt

Your instruments

Your influences

The way you read

Left to right

The books you have read

The way you

Think and the damage

Done

The way you feel

I know you need to

Heal

Peace be with you

I will pray

And hope you stay

Down

You need to find

The thorns in the

Crown

Not the clown

But the way you run

We’re never truly alone

No need for loneliness

And when I needed

To run through you

I only did it because

I needed to

When I was going

Through my psychosis

The other night

In the safety

Of my bed

And my palace

My sacred space

In my flat

Not being tortured

In hospital

No more blues

I won’t let you lose

I’m happy for you

To win the game

But this isn’t a game

It isn’t about

Fame

Or

Rio

But that dream would be cool

Please don’t be a fool

It’s about so much

More

You now know the

Score

I wish you

More

Than anyone

That you get back

On the right path

You’ve broken me

In half

But

What breaks you

Makes you

You will see what happens

But please

When I say my need is greater than

Love

I truly mean it

There is a reason

For me

There is a reason

We met

In Jerusalem

What you have committed

Is pure treason

But we forgive you

Anything for you to see

How to be

Free

Forever

Love Palice 🌍🇬🇧🌈💫

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